Jason's Blog

It’s late, but I just have to post this because I can’t really contain it. I really have started to cherish the quiet times I’ve had lately. It’s not because I’m depressed, or sad, or anything of those things. It’s actually quite the opposite! Even if that were the case it still doesn’t keep me from thinking how awesome our God is! It’s like my day doesn’t even really begin until it happens, I feel so energized and refreshed after doing so. Tonight even, I just took a walk out in the woods, in the dark and it was just amazing. The moonlight, the fireflies, the nice little crunching of leaves, all evidence of our Lord and Creator. I can’t even really put it into words…

I’ve been doing a lot of studying lately on different people in the Bible and the relationship between them and God. Mostly David, but he’s not actually the person I want to talk about. I actually want to focus on Gideon. I know we’ve all read and seen these stories before in Sunday school, but it seems like there’s something new to learn every time you look at them. Here are the Israelites, again being oppressed by some foreign nation (the Midianites). In comes Gideon, where God tells him he will use Gideon to free the Israelites from their oppression.

Now here’s the fun part of the story. After Gideon asks for some signs from God, Gideon gathered some people to go up against the Midianites. And of course, God intervenes and tells Gideon there are too many. I think at this point, I would’ve certainly have been questioning God at this point. “Too many people? You can never have too many people!” But of course, Gideon obeyed. 22,000 people left. 10,000 people remained. That’s a lot of people! Yet even after that, God still said there were too many and reduces it to 300. That just amazes me, an army of 300 against a whole nation? And of course, we know the rest of the story…

Just reading all of that made me really ponder, do I have the same amount of obedience that I would do something that would just seem… so insane? Gideon had some amount of courage to go into that battle… and faith too. While I might not be called to go into battle like Gideon, I do hope that I can demonstrate the same amount of courage and faith that Gideon did in all that I do, even when the world says that its wrong. I strive for that same boldness and courage… I hope in some way that this has inspired you in the way that it has inspired me…

It does kind of feel like an emotional roller coaster though… but even knowing that, I’m okay! Things have been really crazy (and busy) this semester. Projects, projects, projects… and a little bit of eating and sleeping between projects. But the other thing that amazes me is that Christ has experienced all that I have experienced… for my sake. Pain, sadness, happiness, joyfulness, tears, anger… many of these traits and Christ has experienced every one of them. I really do ponder why we don’t sometimes see, “…and Jesus laughed.” in the bible. We know that he wept (John 11:35) and got angry too (John 2:13-17) and faced temptations (Luke 4:1-13). I’m sure these other things happened. Yet he knows the pain we experience, and the sadness that happens in our lives. And rejoices with us when we are joyful, and grateful. And somehow, that just makes it all worthwhile.

Sorry for the long post, but if you made it through all of that congratulations! You deserve a cookie.

Ah yes, sleepless nights. I’ve been sitting in bed for the past hour and half staring at the ceiling just pondering, praying, and contemplating about life in general. You can get a good bid of thinking done when you don’t have anything else to do.

To think that this is my last semester of college, it’s kind of strange. Many of my friends that I have gotten to know over the years, have enjoyed hanging around, and have come to love… I may not see them again a year from now as we each go our separate ways. Even though I thank God for every moment I am able to have with my friends, it is somewhat depressing to think that in the future I may not see them again…

I’ve also had time to ponder God’s plan for my life as well. I guess the question, “What do you want to do after you graduate?” continue comes up and does make me wonder what I really am going to do after I graduate. To be perfectly honest however, I really can’t say I know. Am I okay with it? Strangely enough, yeah. I can’t really explain it but for all my life I have known that God has a plan for me, even if He hasn’t revealed that plan to me. Because of that I can rest assured that even through the good times, and the bad times He will be there for me. There’s really no need for me to worry about what comes tomorrow, next week, or even next year for that matter. I just know He’ll provide, and that’s just comforting. Something amazing is in store, I just don’t know what yet.

But I’m not perfect. I still have my faults. Even knowing that, I do still tend to worry from time to time when I know I shouldn’t. Yet I pray every day for His strength, and His guidance, and most of all… patience. Patience probably is the hardest thing for me. Especially with how instant everything is in society today, everything happens now. I wish His plan would unfold now, I wish I did know what was going to happen in the future. Yet, even still He still has his reasons for not showing me the big picture. It does make you ponder upon the amazingness of God, and really makes you humble when you realize trite simple things are nothing to Him. It’s at that time when you remember everything is under His control, everything is in His hands, that finally peace returns. Our God really is an amazing God…

Change, that’s also another interesting thing to think about. Sometimes I wonder, “Am I really gravitating towards who/what God wants me to be?” Change is never an easy thing in itself, yet even still I strive to become more like Him every day, through all my failures, and my many short-comings.

For now, I will continue to ponder some of these thoughts while I attempt to sleep…